Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day.  Interesting "holiday."  Expectations change as time goes on.  When I was young I wanted flowers, an adorable card, promises of everlasting love.  I love the Hallmark Channel.  Nothing like a sappy movie to get the tears flowing!  Who doesn't want Hallmark moments.  Recently I finished a marathon day of Hallmark movies.  It made me sad.  I thought, I will never have a Hallmark moment again.  Life has dealt so many blows, I'm too cynical.  Those moments will not exist for me anymore.  It makes me sad.
Today is the day of love.  I own a business that is all about buying a gift for someone you love.  Getting hit in the face with love today.  Most of the customers are Moms and Grandmas.  A few husbands sprinkled in.  Between customers is a great time to reflect. 
There are people that say there are not married couples who remain madly in love forever.  I disagree.  I have known several couples that remained madly in love beyond 50 years of marriage.  Some took it to eternity.  My in-laws were one couple that loved each other forever.  The night before my mother-in-law died her husband tucked her into her bed.  They were not in the same room any longer.  She was too ill from cancer.  She was fighting a losing battle.  She was told that treatment could only buy her a short time at best.  She said she was not ready to leave her husband.  She wanted to fight.  That is a deep love.  The battle was already lost before she started.  She was home recovering from the horrific treatment.  Her husband tucked her in that last night.  He told her he loved her.  He kissed her.  He said, I love you more than the first day I met you.  You are not as beautiful as you were that day, but I love you more now.  That is honest love.  The next morning when he went in she was gone.  Bible in hand, love in her heart forever.  That is a Hallmark moment.
I know other couples that have that deep love.  I am not going to pretend I get to live it.  This blog is filled with honesty.  When I look at the picture I posted, it looks like we were having a wonderful day.  It was Thanksgiving.  Our family was together at the Grand Canyon.  In the background our son was having a complete break from reality.  It had started on vacation.  Grew worse each day.  The next day we would leave for home.  Within days our son would be hospitalized.  We would begin to live with the knowledge that the future we envisioned would change forever.  The empty nest we imagined would never happen.  We would only have 9 months of the two of us alone.  Not the happily ever after we dreamed of.  It is a struggle we both deal with in our own way.  Not keeping our son home with us is not an option.  It is not who we are.  If there were a place he could go and be safe and happier, we would send him.  We will not put him somewhere so we can live the life we wanted. 
Hubby and I have been together since high school.  We married young.  We had nothing.  We were so poor.  We enjoyed so many times together that did not require money.  We laughed so much.  We always had music in the background of our life.  We felt blessed to have two beautiful, smart children.  It never crossed our minds that their lives would not be perfect.
Together we have buried 3 grandparents, 3 parents, and a sibling, throw in Aunts, Uncles and cousins.  We have seen our children in the hospital and wondered if they would ever come home with us.  We have attended countless weddings together and funerals too.  We have seen friends come and go.  Watched puppies grow into dogs and held them while we said goodbye.   We moved from apartments to houses.  From town to town.  When I was young and thought about forever, I never imagined what it meant.  The things we would endure together.  There were not Hallmark cards for all of the sad times.
There have been some great times along the way.  Sitting outside late at night with our kids, watching the stars.  Taking our grandkids out in the country to look for meteors.  Double rainbows that were so close we thought we could touch them.  So many sporting events.  Watching Walter Payton in Soldier Field.  Cheering so loud in our home that people walking by would look strangely at our house.  Traveling to so many amazing places.  Watching sunsets in Jamaica.  Seeing the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, the Rockie Mountains, Puget Sound, several oceans, countless lakes, New Orleans during Mardi Gras.  All that and still enjoying seeing a beautiful bird in our backyard.
If we had them on a scale, I am sure there are more good moments than bad.  Unfortunately, the bad times can be so HUGE.  They take a toll.  The reality is, in a tiny corner of my heart, I still believe I will get the Hallmark moments again.  I bought into Happily Ever After a long time ago.  Have not given up on it yet.
Happy Valentine's Day!