My House Feels Empty

It was a hard night last night.  The house was not quiet.  Desmond, one of our dogs, cried all night.  He normally hangs out with my son.  When my son sleeps, Desmond is cuddled next to him.  My son is always home.  I don't think Desmond knows what to do when he is not here.  It is too lonely for him. 
I took something to help me sleep.  I had nightmares.  I woke up with a terrible headache, feeling foggy.  Took the day off work.  I cry too much.  I get the shivers out of nowhere.  People do not get how terrible this feels.
My son is being taken care of in the hospital.  I talked to a nurse last night.  She said he ate well.  She said he is resting.  All that is good.  I know he is in a good place.  I know he needs to be there.  I know it should help him. 
The ugly part is what I cannot get out of my mind.  The part where guards had to stand around him.  I did not go to the hospital.  I did not want to see his face.  Imagining it is sad enough.  This is my son.  He is 30 but is more like 15.  He only feels safe around us. 
This is one of those awkward times when people will not know what to say to us.  I do not want to talk about how everything went down. It makes me cry.  I do not want to think about what happened.  I know he is where he needs to be.  That does not make this easier. 
The only time I feel sane is when one of my babies are in my arms.  I know I cannot cry around them.  I just want to hold them forever.  I will get through this.  Each day should get easier.  I am a very strong person.  Everyday, I am strong.  While he is gone it is my time to not be strong.  To sit and cry and feel sorry for this terrible thing we live with.  We will all survive this sadness.  It is a part of our life.  We have no choice.