What Do We Think Of The News

I feel like I should say something about the news on Tru Stories blog.  It feels like people are probably wondering how the family is taking it.  I have made comments on the TS blog regarding being upset.  Yes, it is upsetting to us.  That house has been a part of my life for over 35 years.  It was the house Hubby grew up in.  So many family dinners.  So many great memories.  The house I grew up in was sold when I was 18.  So Hubby's family home, feels like home to me.  I am more comfortable there than the house I currently live in.  I would buy it in a heart beat if it worked for my son.  Unfortunately, it does not.
When I walk through the door now, it is TS house I see.  So many changes.  All good!  There is one spot that belongs to my mother in law, the kitchen window.  She was in the kitchen most of the time.  At the sink preparing meals or cleaning up from meals.  I can stand there and feel her presence looking out the window.  I know she watched her kids play in that yard.  She watched her grandkids in that yard.  She was able to watch two great-grandchildren too.  When we pulled up to the house, most of the time we would see her at the window.  By the time we got out of our car she would be at the door, wiping her hands dry on an apron.
Hubby and I purchased the house after my in-laws passed on.  It happened too quickly and too close together.  At the time we were not living in town.  We had no plan to move back here.  (At least Hubby did not!)  Tru Stories rented the house, then Coach entered the picture.  They rented until they could buy it.  We did not purchase the house thinking it would always be in the family.  We just knew it was too soon to let it go.  That it stayed in the family for so long was a blessing.
Hubby has other concerns.  He is not a guy that would fix up a house and move on.  He cannot imagine doing all that work and leaving.  In his world, people do not leave a nice house because they want something different.  It is not something he can wrap his brain around.
The things that upset me are losing special times with the kids.  In the warm weather TS will walk them over to our house.  The Kid can ride his bike over.  I love driving by their house on my way to and from work.  I love stopping for hugs if I need them.  I love seeing the girls on the swings.  The other side of town feels like the other side of the world. 
Ultimately, I am a Mom.  I want my kids and grandkids to have what makes them the most happy.  If getting another house does it, I support the decision.  (Which does not mean, there will not be tears!)  If you or someone you know is thinking about looking at the Tru Stories house, do it.  Along with all the beautiful rooms, huge yard, you will also gain a home that has always known love.  That is not easy to find today.  In 57 years only two couples have lived in that house.  Both couples were madly in love. They knew the meaning of family.  They sat around the dinner table to eat.   Hopefully, the next couple will fill it with the same kind of love.
I have so many memories of that home.  Even if someone from our family is not living there, I know the memories will stay with me.  As Tru Stories said, hope it happens quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid.  Less painful!

I Am Tink's Grandmother

Friday I had the day off work for Tink's Grandparents day at school.

It was her last day at her little preschool. 

Tink was happy to have her Grandmother's with her.

There were crafts, dancing, breakfast, and prayer.

It was a nice visit. 

 Here is Tink with her cousin.  Her younger cousin.   

 After school, we headed North to have a girl's shopping trip.

TS and Coco joined us for shopping. 

We were shopping for school clothes for Tink.

The problem we had was Coco loved everything she saw. 

At one point with a glazed look in her eyes, Coco said, "I love clothes."

She really does!!

 After lunch, it was pedicure time.

Coco could not reach the soaking tub.  She had to go without the foot scrub.

Tink barely reached the foot bath.  

 Tink handled the pedicure like a pro.

 Coco's  toes were smeared before she got down from the chair.  

 Tink was sweet the entire day.

Tink quietly enjoyed the entire day.

Coco was a ball of energy.  That child is exhausting!!

It was a good day.  Nice to have a girl's day.  Nice to spend some time with my daughter. We spent too much money.  I just cannot resist these girls!  I have not even picked up a book since Friday night.

Fairy Dust and Tink

I have all day off today.  That gave me the "perfect" opportunity to have some Tink time.  I invited her for a sleep over.  Just Tink. I have not been alone with my Tink for awhile.  Tink is all about Christmas or Kritmas as she calls it, this year.  She is a happy girl.  Trees are up at her house.  Trees are up at my house.  She is watching Christmas shows on TV.  When Tink gets excited she reminds me of a little puppy.  She shakes with excitement.  The thing about Tink is she does not share herself with everyone.  I am happy to be one of "her" people.  She loves me.  When you are loved by Tink, it is a special thing.  She talked non-stop last night.  I will give you some Tink Talk.
You are my Grandmother, right Grammy
My Mother is your Daughter, right Grammy
(Every statement she made was followed by right Grammy.)
What songs did you sing when you used to have a little girl
You used to have a little boy and little girl, right Grammy
Popop is your husband, (you know what goes here).
You used to read to your daughter and now your daughter reads to me (Obviously, Tink loves to talk about how people are related.)
This was a great conversation.  Tink was talking to me about her school and teachers.  She said my teacher has a little girl named Akenna.  As soon as she said this she started laughing joyfully.  Grammy there are two Akenna's.  My Akenna and my teacher's Akenna.  She was thrilled about this.  We all know Akenna is on Tink's Top 10 list.
Following in her brother's footsteps, Tink loves to talk about patterns.  This morning she wanted her fingers and toes painted in a pattern.  Pink and purple.  Every other finger and toe.  This is a pattern, right Grammy.  Right Tink!
Coco joined us this morning for some tree decorating.  They love to decorate Kritmas trees.  It is not pretty.  Ornaments are crowded together.  I have some long ornaments that look like they have diamonds on them with a big crystal teardrop at the bottom.  I do not know why but Coco kept wishing on it.  She said it was magic.  She would rub the teardrop and say, I wish my Mommy would come to pick me up.  I wish my Daddy would come to pick me up.  She must not have been having as much fun as I thought.  Tink rubbed it and said, I wish my Mommy would forget to come and I can stay forever.  Mommy came just in time.  I did not have to wish.
This is going to be a magical Christmas with the girls.  They are perfect ages.  Talking about their Elf on The Shelf.  Tink has mentioned to me that Elf is not real.  But, she gets very excited when he moves around. Not sure their big brother will keep believing until Christmas. 
Tru Stories Mother needs to do some reading.  Rest up before the kids come to visit tonight.

Nice Fall Day

What a beautiful fall day.  The medicine made my son sleep, and sleep, and sleep too much.  We were able to enjoy a quiet day.  We took a walk.  Today we need some happy stuff on my blog.  I know you agree.  I went and spent time with our new family member Maggie Mae. 

 I was able to catch her in the most beautiful pose.  She loves to point and sniff.  I think she is happy with her new family.  I know her new family is in love with her.

 She is a beauty!  She likes to fetch the tennis ball, Coco's shoes.  Whatever she can get.  She even caught the ball in the air today. 

 I was able to get a few pictures of our sweet Coco.  I'm kidding.  She is not sweet right now.  But she is cute.

 We spent some time in Tru Stories yard enjoying the weather. 

 I had to just about force Tink to come outside.  She was watching TV.  It took some coaxing to get her out.

 Not her best pose.  But you get it.  She is adorable.

The trees are turning.  Pumpkins are showing up all over.  It really is fall!

Reality Check

The last two weeks we have hoped and prayed.  Crossed our fingers.  Looked for positive signs.  Unfortunately, it is just not happening.  Uncle has had a tough week.  That equates to us having a terrible week.  We were having a birthday brunch for Hubby on Saturday.  Uncle caused a scene in the restaurant and Hubby had to take him outside.  There was a huge scene Sunday night at home during a family dinner.  His anger is out of control.  His delusions continue.  Hubby and I do not know what to do.  We feel like there is no end to this misery. 
Today Uncle sees the Doctor.  He will not allow me to ride along.  I hate that because Hubby really wants me there.  He says Hubby cannot go into the appointment with him.  I did all I can do.  I called and left a message for the Doctor to give him an update.
It rips my heart out to say he needs to be somewhere.  He needs long term care.  Saddest thing in the world to admit.  Hard to say I hope the Doctor finds a way to get him back in the hospital.  I am not sure he will be able to.  Last time Uncle went to the hospital on his own.  He will not do that this time.  Do not think he is bad enough to be admitted against his will. 
The nightmare just keeps on going and going..........

Added later:  He was not hospitalized.  The doctor is adding MORE medicine.  This is going to be tough to get him to take.  That will be 9 pills a day.  Do not see it happening. 
Mrs. - Thanks for the kind words and prayers.  Really appreciate it.

Comfort Zone

More and more lately when life has been getting me down, I find myself going over to my brother's house.  In the last few years I have become much closer to my brother and sister in law.  They are amazing people that overcome unbelievable odds and just keep loving each other.  My brother is a diabetic on dialysis.  I cannot count the number of times that we have been at the hospital told by doctors that they are not sure he will pull through.  I have gone to sleep at night positive I will get a call that he is gone.  But he just keeps fighting.  I know what keeps him going.  His love for Sharon.  They have been married 48 years.  They are still madly in love.  They also really like each other. 
Last year they bought new living room furniture.  My brother's request was he wanted a double recliner so they could sit next to each other so they could hold hands.  I love that.  They are so sweet together.  They always say kind words to each other.  The ultimate display of love is my sister in law learned to give my brother dialysis.  Real dialysis where she has to put a huge needle into his arm.  She did it because she did not want him to drive out of town for dialysis.  This way she can help take care of him even more.  He said he likes home dialysis because they can cuddle longer in the morning and he does not have to get up and drive out of town.  There are days she has to stick him several times to do the dialysis.  It breaks her heart.  She will take a break and do it again.  He says no big deal I'm still alive.  Many people are upset that they have started home dialysis.  They do not think it is safe.  I have been there while they are doing it.  (Not the needle part.)  I get what they are doing.  I am comfortable with it.  I know they will never do anything to hurt each other. 
I like to spend time at their house.  Their home is full of love.  In addition to the two of them, they have two little dogs I enjoy holding.  On their worse days they smile and say they hope the next day will be better.  It is a great environment.  I feel lucky to have them in my life.

An Update On Me

My son has been home since late Wednesday afternoon.  I wish I could say it is all rainbows and puppy dogs.  Realistically, I know it takes time for the new medication to really get in his system.  But, I have tired of dealing with him being so unstable and was hoping for more!!  He is better than when he went into the hospital.  There are positive changes.  His sleep patterns are still a mess.  That means my sleep patterns can be a mess.  None of this is new.  What is new is my current state of, "I can't deal with this anymore."  A mini breakdown of I am so tired of having to take care of him of be strong.  So I am not pretending that it is all fine.  I am not pretending that this does not get to be too much.  It is too much.
Most of the time I try not to face all of this head-on.  I take it as it comes.  Right now I have let myself become over-whelmed with the fact that I cannot have a normal life.  I have allowed myself to feel sorry for me.  I am a bit angry.  I want to be able to leave for a week-end without having to find someone to stay at the house.  I want to leave doors unlocked.  Sleep without a fan on.  I want freedom from the stress.  That said, we are not the kind of people that can give up on our son.  If he was physically ill, no one would think twice about the fact we take care of him.  No one would wonder why we are so physically and mentally spent from taking care of him.  Since it is a mental illness, I feel like people have a harder time understanding. 
What I am doing to get through this?  I am surrounding myself with people that love me.  I am taking walks.  I am sleeping too much.  I am talking to a counselor.  That means I had to admit I am not strong enough to handle this myself.  Much harder than it should be.  I am trying to read.  I am taking time for me.  I wish I could just run away for awhile. 
Unfortunately, my son is still here.  We still have to help him get better.  We do not get to run away. Hubby is exhausted from all of this too.  We are quietly trying to regroup. 
One positive note.  Uncle did manage to watch the Bears yesterday.  That is a good sign.  He has not had the focus to watch sports in awhile.  Don't get me wrong, it was not sitting quietly watching the game.  But...it is a start.
Thanks to those of you putting your good thoughts our way. 

The Kid Being The Kid

I wish I had recorded many of the conversations that went on during the 4 1/2 days I spent with my grand children.  They are hilarious, smart, precosious, and every once in awhile cross the line.  The Kid was on over drive with his quest for knowledge and making sure everyone around him understood he is very intelligent.  Here are some conversations.

As soon as he met my friend that lives in Wisconsin he had so many questions.  Was the lake formed by a glacier?  What is the population of the town?  How old is the town?  On and on he went.  Sue was in shock.  She said she was not prepared for a pop quiz.

After a couple of hours of The Kid's chatter I suggested he go read and let Sue and I have adult time.  He replied, "I want her to know how smart and I and I do not have much time to show her."  I think she got it very early on.

The ride home did not start off smooth.  Tink was in a mood.  Not in a mood for The Kid!  There was an argument over something.  I heard Tink start crying and The Kid said, "That's what you get for slapping me in the face."  I started my lecture on never hitting a girl no matter what.  She is little, he is big.  Blah, blah, blah.  The Kid said he did not hit her, he shoved her.  The he says, "Cause and effect Tink.  Cause and effect."  Really?  Who talks like that?

My Coco was constantly cute.  (Well maybe not when she would not go to sleep.)  She calls me Ammy.  Love it.  She likes to tell me she lubes me.  I love her too.

Tink is Tink.  Very competitive.  Very determined.  Wants to do things herself.  She is something.  It really was a good time.  I love quality time with the kids.  Worth the exhaustion.

Coach is Super Fast, Really

I did not have the honor of watching Coach in his glory days.  Right now Coach is freaking because he is sure he is still living his glory days.  Anyway, I have heard many people say how amazing Coach was.  I have seen his speed running the bases in softball.  He is quick.  Some might say, "quick as a cat."  The other night Coach came by the house.  We were chatting waiting for Tru Stories to bring pizza for dinner.  All of a sudden, my precious kitty, Benny, jumped up on the back of the love seat near where Coach was standing.  Little Benny scared Coach so bad, he jumped back, maybe even squealing in fright.  I might not have seen Coach play high school basketball, but I have seen his......................wait for it....................

"CAT LIKE REFLEXES."

Seriously, who is going to be afraid of this precious baby?

Saturday Plans

Every week by the time Thursday comes around  I start thinking about my week-end plans.  I like to tease myself that I will do absolutely nothing.  Just stay in my pajamas and read.  This week I had three errands to run on Saturday.  After that, do nothing.  
Friday night I packed a box of books to send to Millhouse.  I am trying to not keep every book I buy.  Millhouse and her "READING HUSBAND" appreciate books.  (I want a reading husband.)  I am able to give books I love to them.  Saturday I took the box of books to the post office.  Millhouse should have some new reading material in a few days.
I stopped at our Walmartish type store and then headed to the library.  I needed to pick up a couple of more audio books.  What did I do before audio books?  Answer:  had a boring drive.  Before I got to the library had a distressing call.  My brother that got out of the hospital on Sunday, back into the hospital on Friday, had a broken ankle.  That is when my lazy day slipped away.
This is not a complaint.  I enjoy doing things for family.  I picked up my sister-in-law and took her to visit my brother.  While driving to the hospital about 20 minutes from home, we got the news he was being moved to a hospital in another town, 30 minutes from home.  We still proceeded to Hospital A.  Chatted for a bit.  Waiting for ambulance to make the move.  We started the next leg of our journey. 
First I stopped at the Golden Arches for my new favorite thing, a Mocha Frappe.  Last week was the first time I tried a cold coffee drink.  Delicious!!  I am in love.  For some reason, I can never remember the word Frappe.  I find myself saying Frappachino.  I love that word!  Confusing to already confused voices in the Golden Arches little sound boxes.  My sister-in-law asked how I was enjoying my lazy day at home.  That was funny all afternoon.
Next stop, bigger town, bigger hospital.  The upside, Valet Parking.  I love Valet Parking at a hospital.  I do not love this big hospital.  Spent the next few hours chatting with two brothers, two sister-in-laws.  Sick brother was doing much better.  He is always doing much better after I say he is not doing great.  When a few of us are together talk always turn to family.  So many people that were so important in our lives are gone.  That makes me feel old.  Even though I still get to be the little sister.
Returned home in time to order pizza for a late dinner.  My favorite little people came to spend the night.  That provided hugs and smiles.
It was not the day I planned.  But it was a good day.  A day I was able to assist family I love so much.  We are not guaranteed forever with our families.  I want to know I enjoyed them while we are together.
By the way, still in my pajamas today.  House still not cleaned.  Books not read.  Lazy day.

It Is Tuesday

Two months into 2011 I am ahead of my reading goal.  I have have completed 20 books.  Eight of those were audio books.  At the beginning of the year I was really into audio.  right now I am only listening to audio in the car.  That is really where I want to listen to audio books.  I was obsessively listening to audio all day, that was too much!!  Even for me.  I need to rest my reading mind once in awhile.  It is been a nice array of books.  I think the only thing I need to work on is finding some happier subjects. 
It was an exhausting day at work.  Yes, another long day.  It is ending on a high note.  Tru Stories called to see if Tink could come over and play at my house for a little while.  Tink has been asking for Grammy time.  The thing about asking for Grammy time is, you can usually get it.  Unless, I am at work.  Tink even talked to me on the phone and told me she missed me.  These little girls give The Kid a run for his money!  While Coach went to play some basketball, the girls had a nice visit here.  Tink and Popop built some Lincoln log houses.  Coco and I read some books.  The girls were very talkative.  I love their little voices.  I love the fact that Coco has her own name for me, Meme.  She can say Grammy, she just won't.  Taking ownership.  It is so amazing to watch these wonderful children grow. 
Counting my blessings.  Starting with them.  Need to do that count a few times a day!

Happy Birthday!

This is the face of my 30 year old son.  He had a great night.  He loved his hat.  He told me exactly what to buy.  He even drew a picture of the hats he wanted.  No surprises for him.  I do not even waste time wrapping his gifts.  He does not want a big production.  He tells me what to buy, I buy it and hand it to him.  That makes him happy. 
We went to the Bowling Alley for his birthday.  Some family and friends came for dinner.  More came after dinner.  There was beer, pizza, bowling, and for some of us a trivia game.  The son loves to bowl right now. 
He does not like his picture taken.  But......Flag Girl took this picture.  He could look at her with his sweet face all night.  He is one more person that belongs to the Flag Girl Fan Club.
At the end of the night The Son said it was a good party.  It was a good night for all of us.

This Is What I Want You To Know

Today my son is 30.  It makes me very sad.  Not because I feel old.  It makes me think of what should have been.  Everything we thought he would have.  Everything we thought he would do.  Who we thought he would be.  All the dreams a parent has for a child. 

 He was a super cute kid.  He had white, blond hair.  His eyes were full of mischief.  They always had a twinkle.  He was a Mommy's Boy.  He loved to sit and hug with me.  He would promise to always be my boy and never stop hugging me.

 He was such a good looking boy.  So handsome.  He had his first girlfriend in preschool.  The girls loved him.  He cared about fashion and how he looked.  He liked Guess, anything to do with the Bears and the Bulls.  You know he had Air Jordans.  His sister will tell you how the rest of us went without food so he could have Air Jordans.  He would rather own one pair of name brand jeans, than several pairs of "generic."
He was very smart.  Straight A student that obsessed about getting good grades.  

 He was an amazing athlete.  He was good at everything he did.  He was too competitive.  Win, win, win.  That is what he cared about.  I loved to watch him play everything.    His sister and I thought he was so CUTE in his baseall uniform.  Once he pitched a no hitter.

 Here he is with his Dad and Grandpa.  In the middle of a double header.  He would look towards his Dad for guidance.  Once after a basketball game he told me to tell Dad to be quicker at half-time. Dad missed the first play of the second half.  He always looked for us.  He knew we would be there.

 He was proud of his sister.  He was thrilled when he out grew her.  He loved to torment her.  She was a big fan of everything he did.  She misses how funny he was.  She misses him.

 He enjoyed going to the school dances.  Unlike many kids his age, he liked to dress up.  He looked as comfortable in a tie as he did in a t-shirt. He was very popular.  Had lots of friends, boys and girls.  Not as good with teachers!

 He loved basketball from the time he was very young.  He got his first hoop when he was in second grade.  He had to quit sucking his thumb to get it.  That was no easy feat.  He played all the time.  In the cold weather his hands had huge open cracks from being out in the cold and drying out.

 He was a great jumper.  He could play any position on the floor and often did.  He loved to steal the ball.  One year he lead his team in points, rebounds, steals, and blocked shots. 

 He was terrible at free throws.  So he started to practice, and practice, and practice.....  He ended up being very good at them.  He went to the line all the time.  He would go up against any size guy under the basket and was fantastic at drawing fouls.  We all loved watching him play.  His sister and I would have tears running down our faces the first game of the year, the last game of the year, when we could not get over how cute he was....  We were proud. 

 It was very stressful to be his Mom.  He would act first and think later.  He was in trouble so much. I loved him with all my heart.  Still do!  It is still very stressful to be his Mom.

 This is the first time he met The Kid.  He was thrilled to be an Uncle.  Still is.  He loves The Kid.  He loves the girls.  He is a good Uncle.  They will learn so much from him, especially compassion.

 With all he was, he should of had so much.  He should have his own house. He should be married to a cute little cheerleader type.  He should have a great job.  He should have a few kids.  He should be teaching them all what he knew about sports.  His 30th birthday should be celebrated with all his friends and family.  But his friends disappeared.  It is not fun to watch a friend turn from what he was to what he is.
Mental illness stole the "should have beens."  We still love him with all our hearts.  We celebrate his minor victories.  Like, attending the Relay For Life Dance.  Going to The Kids Crazy Hat party.  He will attend The Kid's basketball games.  He loves Coco and Tink.  I am proud of what he does.  We will have a party tonight.  We will "celebrate" with him.
But, today I am sad.

This Is How Family Celebrates

Last night Tru Stories celebrated dotting the eye on their adorable family. They did it up in Tru Stories Fashion. A big party at one of their favorite places. The place they met, hung out, both worked, and Coach even proposed. (I know, he is a romantic guy.) Last night to celebrate The Kid and Coach making it legal, there was a big celebration. The theme, crazy hates/pajamas. There was a line drawn. Those who are cool enough to go downtown in pajamas and those that are not. You know I did it.
Last night Tru Stories and Coach were very happy. They really "Heart" each other. Tru Stories gave a beautiful speech about coming to this small town and meeting the man of her dreams. When she found him, she gained a HUGE extended family, and many friends that are like family. They all came out to celebrate. I may have cried during most of this speech.

Once upon a time life was all about Tru Stories and The Kid. They "Heart" each other too. Notice all the people in the background? All part of the party.

The night was mainly about these two guys. The Kid was very lucky when he added The Coach to his world. The Kid found a keeper. These two "Heart" each other too.

This guy has owned my heart since the day he was born. He is something. He spent a long time looking on the internet for the perfect gift for his Dad. When he found it, he even had to add something special to it to make it his own. The Kid is like his Mom. They like to put in a special touch. Then this wonderful child told me he wanted to stand on the stage and make a speech in front of a packed party. He found a blessing he wanted to read. He was not nervous. He got up on that stage like he owned the place. He is something. I hope he continues to be a writer and speech giver like his Mom. I hope he learns to love life like his Dad. You know we all hope he plays basketball like his Dad. Last night so many people came out to remind him and his family how much they are loved. It was a great place to be.

Happy Day

Last night we were celebrating Tru Stories Family! Big Party, big celebration. I can get about 5 blogs of material out of it. In the middle of the chaos. Trust me, there was chaos. Tru Stories coaxed her brother onto the floor for a picture. This does not happen often. He is not comfortable with chaos or pictures. I have many more pictures to share. But in this blog..............

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

HERE ARE MY KIDS!!

See Tru Stories. I'm not ashamed to show pictures of my ugly kids. I just did not have a picture.

It was a good night!

Dear Followers

I have not read a page this week! I am crocheting. Due to carpal tunnel, I have not been able to crochet for a few years. It feels good to get back at it.
In addition, yesterday my family had a happy, happy day. We celebrated Tru Stories family dot their eyes and cross their T's. Wrapped up and tied with a bow. It was a good day. Tru Stories did the right thing when she picked Coach. She had no choice, he was so smitten with her! Coach is a good man. Sigh! Good day!
I will find time to read a book this week-end.

The Count is: How many days until Christmas, books are not going to happen.

The Kid

Birthday blogs are not my thing. I feel like I need to do one for The Kid. As most of you know, The Kid owns my heart. He was my first grandchild. My only grandson. He is this fantastic combination of his mother, his Uncle, and a little bit of someone I hold a special place in my heart for. I could not wait to be a Grammy. I knew I was going to be great at it. I always wanted to grow up to be a Mom. I wanted to take it to another level as a Grammy.
We were living in another town when he was born. Another life. At 4:00 am I got the call to go meet my grandson. I was there in minutes. He owned me the second I looked at his beautiful face. His family lived with us while they looked for their home. It was 6 months of bliss for me. Tru Stories will not tell it that way. I would do the late shift with The Kid. We would sit up watching Letterman I would tell him all the things we would do together. When they moved, I stopped at his house everyday on my way home from work. When they moved to their new life, my heart was broken.
The Kid will tell you at the point we were twins. I loved when he said that. We were so much alike he said, we had to be twins. We might not be twins, but we have something special. I have never met a child quite like him. Some people say he looks just like his Uncle. I think he looks just like himself. A very unique, loving, too smart little boy. He promised us he would stay 6. He did not. He turned 9 today. He still loves me. He still crawls in my lap to cuddle with me. He always notices when I get my hair done. He answers the phone now when I call. He still loves to share his life with me. He has promised he will not get too old to love and hug his Grammy. I let him get away with turning 9. I will not let him get away with getting too old for me.
Happy Birthday to my favorite grandson, my twin. Love you so much, Grammy

This Could Be a Loooong Night

Tonight we offered to keep the three grandkids. The kids and I were suppose to attend a Harvest Festival out of town. It was cancelled due to the bad weather. It was decided we would do a stay at home evening. Kick back and relax with the kids. Things were going along smoothly. Tink was in her room watching a movie. The Kid was at the table working on a project. Coco was on her Popop's lap reading to him. She sat with him close to 45 minutes. She got up walked over by the front door. About two feet from Popop. Next thing we heard was glass shattering. I knew it was my giant vase. My heart fell. I could not imagine what I was going to see when I got around the loveseat. Popop beat me to her. He was holding her looking at her hands. She had blood on her hand. He said I can't see anything. At that point I saw the blood gushing from her head. It had already saturated the back of her shirt. By the time Hubby was heading for the bathroom I had a wash cloth to him. Uncle was grabbing ice. Hubby kept pressure on it. I took a look. Made the decision to call parents. Once the bleeding stopped it looked like one stitch would be needed. Hubby was able to get Coco to stop screaming. Everyone calm, except.....The Kid. He was freaking. We were too calm. He wanted something done. He wanted someone accountable. He wanted an adult frantic like he was. At this point bleeding stopped, Coco was ready for Grammy. I took her to the rocking chair and she fell asleep. Parents came. They had called their wonderful Doctor who has won their trust stitching the older kids. Including a major stitching of Tink last year. Doctor was working the emergency room. He met Coach and Tru Stories in the waiting room. Glued it, and they were on the way. No paperwork was even done. A milk shake was called for, everyone happy.
Hubby and I patted ourselves on the back for a job well done. We are really good at this emergency stuff now. That said, we do not want to have to see injured Grandkids. Think that is even worse than injured kids!!
By the time Coco got back dinner was on the table. Coach and Tru Stories headed out to their Halloween party. Hubby and I are ready for kids to be in bed. Think I could have used a glass of wine tonight!! It is possible the kids and I will be asleep by 9:30. Long night, long, long night!

Broken Into a Million Pieces

This beautiful picture was drawn in sidewalk chalk by my son for his niece, Tink. They have an interesting bond. The Kid was the first. He got to pick all the nicknames. I'm Grammy, then there is Popop. He has always called my son Uncle. Seems simple, plain. Not when the kids say it. When they say Uncle it is like he is the most important and only Uncle they have. That is a great thing. Their Uncle does not have many good things in his life. Coco is just getting to know him. It is not always easy. He can hide in his world for long periods. He is not always friendly. He does not always have the patience to talk to a baby. Right now they are developing their relationship. Coco will look at Uncle and give him a huge smile and laugh. Her smile is contagious. Uncle needs it. He does not smile or laugh enough.

Uncle is not always easy to live with. I am not always as patient with him as I should be. Tonight was a good night. I brought him Taco Bell. That made him very happy. We do not have Taco Bell very often. Little things like that can set the pace for an upbeat evening with Uncle. Tonight he did not complain or nag me about anything. He was just walking around doing his thing. A calm, peaceful evening. One time he walked by me and I glanced up and looked at him. In a few seconds I saw how handsome he is. It reminded me of the life he could of and should of had. In those few seconds my heart was broken into a million pieces. Somehow I have to put the pieces of my heart back into the box that allows me to survive the son I lost and never buried.

So what is the chalk picture? Might not look like much to you. It is a castle Uncle made for his Tink. She stood next to him and supervised it all. Pointing her little finger wherever she needed changes. One room is made of a heart. My favorite part is where he wrote, Tru Love. As an Uncle he gets to show his love and that is not an easy thing for him to do.