Uncle Comes Home

My son is coming home today.  He should be here soon.  I stayed home to finish up some last minute things.  I saw him the other day.  It was a brief visit.  He really did not want company.  It is not a comfortable place for visiting.  He seemed much more clear.  Tru Stories had more time alone with him.  She thought he was doing very well.  I will know soon.
I am happy that he does not have to go to long term care.  I am nervous about what the next few days will bring.  We made some changes while he was gone.  He will not be happy. 
I woke up the other morning and when I was walking down the hall to the kitchen I realized I was tense hoping that Uncle was not awake.  Then I remembered he was not home.  That moment made me realize the tension I have been waking up with in the morning.  Preparing myself for whatever mood he might be in.  It has not been healthy.  I have been able to relax in my own home the last week.  Sadly, that has not been happening for a long time.
My doctor has given me time off to recover.  Call it mental health time.  In over 30 years my son has lived at home all but a little over a year.  The last twelve years he has suffered from mental illness.  The first 18 years were not all sunshine and roses.  I am a caregiver.  It is exhausting.  It has taken a toll on me.  More than I realized.  I hope this has been a wake up call for me.  I need need to make changes in how I live.  If my time off seems excessive than you are a lucky person.  You cannot conceive the stress that we live under.  You have never experienced the exhaustion from living with someone that goes days without sleeping.  It has been a dream to sleep without a fan on at night.  To experience the quiet of our house.  To live somewhat normally.
If you have had us in your prayers, thank you.  We are hoping for good things.  A medication change can make huge positive changes.  That is what we want to see.